thinking back
in the past i used 2 look forward 2 my birthday. cos there'll be alot of ppl celebrating it 4 me and i'll receive alot of gifts 2.haha.. even if there's no 1 celebrating it 4 me, i know my bf would.but now...i dun look forward 2 it anymore.cos i'll b spending it alone.i juz dread the thought of my bd comin in 5 days time. last yr there's still some of my frenz n zh celebratin it 4 me.but tis yr, its me,myself and i.
how i wish time nvr did move.those 3 yrs r the most happiest moment in my life.its when i really smiled.its when i felt tat i had everything perfect.its when i felt that i am myself. i regret nt studyin well in sec sch.but if i cld choose again,i'll choose 2 go ite dover once again.even till now, when i think of all those memories,it made me smile 2 myself.
The Only One...
Thursday, March 15, 2007
dilemma
got my final yr result 2day. it sux...the worst i haf ever got in my 3 yrs in poly.well....super low morale after seein my result.expected 2 get better de.haiz....but think i deserve it la.i put in 2 much in our r/s le.thou i m in such bad mood,feel so lousy le but as usual he is nt there for me.
i really put in 2 much in us le.2 much till i m so tired le.so stress le.watever things i do its all abt him 1st.even in my studies.imagine i can even gif up goin uni 4 him.yeah i know i m stupid.cos i know he dun even gif a damn.frenz told me i did the wrong thing.i know tat.i'm in a dilemma nw.i gaf up goin ntu cos i wan acc him study deg.if i go ntu means i haf 2 study fulltime cos partime take min 5yr.if fulltime i cant acc him study cos he can only study SIM and oso i cant work and earn money 2 help him out.so i gaf up goin ntu.and nw for SIM frenz told me its tough 2 work n study at same time.but i still choose it.i wan study the same course as him cos i know he'll miss alot of lesson,so i haf 2 go 4 lessons n help him take note.cos i wan him pass.and me thinkin of workin and studyin at the same time is cos i wan earn money so tat he wun b so "xin ku".thou i know he wun marry me nxt time but at least mean time i can work 2 "jian di" his burden.yeah sometimes i feel so like a fool.dream of marryin him when i know he wun cos he every now n den will tell me tat his luv for me everyday decrease.i did so much 4 him but i got hell fr him in return
2 weeks ago an incident happen.after tat incident,i duno hw 2 describe...but i changed,changed 2 some1 so lifeless and hopeless.some1 who wans gif up in everything.mayb by not knowin,not seein,not hearin,i'll b much happier.but hw 2????when u know tat sth is wrong.i dun wan b a fool 2 let the wrong fool me.but if i dun let the wrong fool me,i'll get the worst.it simply sux.when will tis stop???he told me he has stop it but its still goin on .even till 2day.ARGH!!! wat haf i done 2 deserve all these???i'm tryin my best nt 2 know,nt 2 hear,nt 2 c and let him continue but i'm goin mad soon.
The Only One...