2 him
now is 7.45am. lesson start at 9. i'm supposed 2 get up at 8. but i haf not slept at all the whole nite. juz cant fall asleep. its cos of us again. whole nite, haf been drinkin n thinkin. and now here i m listenin 2 the song "unbreak my heart" repeatedly, cryin and blogging at the same time. i really hope we cld get better. i dun 1 my every nite 2 b like tis. haiz....
dear, if u haf the chance 2 read tis, i hope u really put in effort 2 make us better. u cant leave all these mess 2 me. dear, i really luv u lots, really wish our goal will b fulfilled. really wish we cld start our own cosy hse, haf our own handsome n pretty kids, haf a happy family,start our business, watch our kids grow up and then we will hand in hand hold on 2 each other n grow old. really hope we cld follow our plan. dear, i dun wanna shed sad tears 4 u, i wanna shed happy tears.i'm tryin le but i cant possibly do it alone. i need u 2 help me, need u 2 try ur best 2. dear, the feelin i haf 4 u is true luv, not companion...remember the song "till the end"? tis shd b our song. can we work 2wards this song?
The Only One...
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
tears fall in silence
And my stranger is him... hope tat our r/s will get better n better each day...hope tat he will treat me better...or mayb i can only hope
The Only One...
Monday, November 27, 2006
Love & Time
Once upon a time, there was an island where all feelings lived Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love.
One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left. Love was the only one who stayed.
Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you." Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel.
"Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered. Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness, let me Go with you." "Oh...Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!" Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her!
Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder her name. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way.
Love realizing how much he owed the elder asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who helped me?" "It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep Wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."
The Only One...
Saturday, November 25, 2006
life in a mess
i feel so tired so stressed. money, studies, r/s etc....i'm slowly dying fr it.
money... i haf barely enuf 2 spend for a mth. but now my hp is spoilt. the sliding part of the casing for the camera does not function le. and 1 casing cost 100plus. and my SIM card, it has broken into half. gettin a new sim card cost 30bucks. in total 2 make my hp needs abt 150 bucks. fuck... where do i get tis money??? each mth, i haf juz enuf 2 eat, dun even haf extra money 2 buy clothes not 2 say savings for rainy days.
studies...project is killing me. i duno anything, dun understand a single bit. my frenz r helpin me but i feel so bad cos they haf their share to do. i fell so useless. i'm not gd in programming. my supervisor doesn't teach us. if we do wrongly she will juz scold us instaed of pointing out our mistake. its my last sem in sch. but i'm afarid i'll haf 2 repeat another yr. juz dun feel like studyin anymore.
r/s....sometimes i wonder, did i make a mistake in the 1st pl.at times i feel juz like a bloody fool. he everytime tell me if sianz den dun come his hse. but if i dun come, we will nvr meet each other de. but when i go, sometimes i feel borin.. he will do his things (watch his vcd,play his game etc) for whole day n nite..he thinks tat as long as we r near its means accompanying. mayb it is but occasionally i do need him 2 do things 2gather wif me.there's 1 thing i wanna say...I M NOT SOME1 WHO GOES AFTER MONEY!!! when i tell him say, i acc him at hm so tat i can help him in saving money, he say i'm tryin 2 b wei da. but when i ask him go out, he say no money. haiz.. he ask me help him sell things. i say ok and ask him abt the market price so i can fetch a higer price for him if possible. but guess wat he say ...he say he is afraid i sell at a higher price but tell him i sell lower price and the difference i pocket it myself. thanx lor... he ask me 2 help but suspect me at the same time. argh..... duno how 2 pls him. wif him for 7mths but i only bought things twice when we go out. he spend n bought more den me. n yet he thinks i'm such person.i save n sometimes go on empty stomach 2 help him save...haha but tis is wat i get in return. i dun need him appreciate but i oso dun need him 2 think till like tis. mayb he is juz joking and dun mean it but it hurts 2 hear tis.i know he will say i cant take joke but...watever, i m juz lousy la.
i'm really goin mad le. common test in 2 weeks time n fuck...my life is in such a mess. sometimes i juz feel like givin up on everythin. studies, r/s etc...goin out 2 work n earn money n buy things 2 pamper myself. i juz hope tat some1 cld invent some medicine where u eat n u forget everything....
The Only One...
Friday, November 24, 2006
will it happen?
guess we r really gonna end le ba. he sounded serious and cold wen he say tat. he sounds like he really mean it. he told me he doesn't want 2 c me. he told me nt 2 call him. he told me he wanted 2 b alone. he changed...changed 2 another person. he was cold 2wards me. not a single sms or a call fr him the whole day. i waited and waited and yet i juz continue 2 wait.
he say tat liking a person doesn't mean tat they haf 2 b 2gather, doesn't mean tat they cld live wif each other. sometimes i wonder y muz he make me believe tat we will get married n yet sometimes make me feel tat he is juz lyin 2 me.
mayb rite fr the start, being 2gather is a mistake. mayb confessing 2 him is a mistake.mayb i shd nt hold him back anymore.mayb without me, he wld b much more happier.mayb i shd let him go.
but how do i let him go? i cant imagine life/days without him.i haf no courage. i m juz so weak. other den cryin, i can only cry. i wish i haf the strength 2 let him go. i wish i cld b bold enuf. will i b able 2 pull myself up if he go? shd i delete away our pics in my blog n frenster? shd i change my status in frenster fr "in a relationship" to "its complicated" or mayb "single"? y muz i drown my sorrows wif bottles of liquor and cans of beer everynite? y cant it b tat he his hugging me 2nite? does he still luv me or has he already fallen for some1 n haf a change of heart? does he still want 2 b wif me? who can gif me the strength 2 carry on? who can guide my way?how long more will i haf 2 cry? i feel so empty so lost.
wonder wat is he doin now... is he out enjoyin or is he playin games or is he sleepin. wonder does he miss me? will he think of me? is he worried abt me? cos he knows i'm out drinkin. but i guess he's not worried abt me ba. if he is worried, he wld haf called me 2 ask abt my safety le. does he know tat i miss him? does he know tat i'm cryin rite now? does he know tat i haf nt been sleepin for the past few days cos i'm thinkin n missin him? does he know tat he is hurting me?does he know tat i really luv him ?words left unspoken
The Only One...
Monday, November 20, 2006
fuckers
every human couldn't live without love and without being loved. but y is loving some1 n being loved by some1 so difficult? why does luv hurts?
juz found out some things 2day....really upsets me...i know tm still like me at tat time n zh is after me n yet i like dearie n told dearie tat i like him. but did they know tat its tm who initiate the break off n he is the 1 tat hurt me 1st. n as for zh i told him b4 tat i dun wan hang ard wif him le. and its him tat dun wan let go. as for dearie, thou i'm the 1 tat told him i like him 1st, but i did not habour any hope. i did not force him 2 like me. i even told him tat after i confess 2 him, i wun hang ard wif him le. but he is the 1 tat told me he likes me 2. i still got the sms 2 prove. but y is every1 treatin me like a convict... i'm in no fault lor... n its up 2 tat person whether he wan accept me not. i nvr do anything 2 seduce him when i duno how 2 anyway. i'm a faithful n loyal gf when i'm in a r/s. dearie n his frenz may not believe. but i know all my frenz n ex knows it. ask every of my frenz n they will tell u how committed i m when i'm in a r/s. so fuck all those who talk bad n think bad abt me. ask my frenz n they will tell u wat kind of person i really m.u will haf ur karmas... wat goes ard comes ard, wat goes up muz come down...all of u r juz jealous. so wat if 3 guys after me, n 3 of them r frenz n havin conflicts among themselves? i dun force them 2 like me lor.they haf the freedom 2 like or not like me lor. instead they choose 2 like me.so wat can i do. all i can say is u all r simply juz jealous. jealous 4 watever fuckin reason i duno.hmmm mayb cos no other guys r after them other then their bf themself.find these ppl so fuckin pathetic....pathetic cos they haf nth better 2 do in their lives. tats y they mind n meddle so much abt other ppl's life. they juz simply cant find any better things 2 do.
sometimes i duno y dearie's fren juz cant mind their own business n get their own life. y muz they poke into our life..cant they juz get a life. haven't they got betta things 2 do? kids!!! they r juz simply so childish la. juz so hate some of dearie frenz. duno y they juz cant get a life. y muz they talk bad abt others. i dun wana arise matters but juz found out sth 2day tat really piss me off. its like i dun interfere in their things lor. wonder does dearie know tat i hate them not.
PS: TO THOSE FUCKERS OUT THERE..GET A LIFE LA...I DUN MEDDLE WIF UR AFFAIRS/LIFE, STOP MEDDLING WIF MINE. I DUN TALK ABT U SO STOP TALKIN ABT ME. STOP WANTING TO TRY FIND TROUBLE WIF ME.COS U WOULDN'T WANT IF I FIND TROUBLE WIF U. SO JUZ STOP MESSING WIF ME...LOSERS!!! IF U AIN'T GOT BETTER THINGS 2 DO, TRY LETTING THOSE STRAY DOGS FUCK OUT IN THE STREETS.
The Only One...
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
three little words
+++ These are just three little BUT VERY POWERFUL words!!! +++
I'll be there
If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase "I'll be there."
Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we're truly present for other people, important things happen to them & us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.
I miss you
Perhaps more marriages could be saved & strengthened if couples simply & sincerely say to each other "I miss you." This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired & loved. Consider how ecstatic you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your work day, just to say, "I miss you."
I respect you
Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults you will strengthen the bonds & become close friends. This applies to all interpersonal relationships.
Maybe you're right
This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring frayed emotions. The flip side to "maybe you're right" is the humility of admitting maybe "I'm wrong". Let's face it. When you have a heated argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person's point of view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying "maybe you're right" can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational manner.
Please forgive me
Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.
I thank you
Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.
Count on me
A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is they're indicating, "You can count on me."
Let me help
The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.
I understand you
People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in so many little ways that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools for healing relationship. This applies to any relationship.
Go for it
We are all unique individuals. Don't try to get your friends to conform to your ideals. Support them in pursuing their interests, no matter how weird they seem to you. Everyone has dreams, dreams that are unique to that person only. Support and encourage your friends to follow their dreams. Tell them to "go for it."
I love you
Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs. The need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your spouse, your children, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words "I love you."
The Only One...
Monday, November 13, 2006
shopping
went shoppin at tampines mall wif my boy on sat... he bought clothes for me again. tis time a t shirt fr IP Zone n a long sleeve t shirt from FOX-f men and f woman... duno y nowadays keep buyin clothes fr fox. juz simply luv their clothes la... eyein a jacket fr there 2 but haf yet 2 buy... after tat went geylang eat claypot rice wif my boy n his 2 younger bros.
my boy was nt in a gd mood 2day due 2 sth happen at work. i understand his feelings. he dun like his job. he dun like navy life. i feel so helpless cos i cant do anything 2 help him. all i can say is dear u haf 2 endure...4 yrs more 2 go den u can leave le. for my sake, for our future sake, u haf 2 endure. i'll always b here 4 u.
t shirt from IP Zone:
long sleeve fr FOX (take my breath away):
The Only One...
Thursday, November 09, 2006
i wish
i know if i wish he cld b here, it wouldn't happen....i juz wish tat some1 cld b here 4 me. i wish some1 cld dry and wipe away my tears. i wish some1 cld lend me their shoulder 2 lean on. i wish some1 cld b my pillar of strength.i wish some1 cld make me smile again. i wish some1 wil tell me tat there wun b any unhappy days fr now on. i wish some1 cld tel and show me tat they wld always b here for me n nvr leave. i wish some1 cld hug me tight and gif me warmth. i wish some1 cld hold my hand n nvr let go.i wish some1 cld tell me he'll love me 4ever......i wish and i can only wish....
i'm feelin so lost and empty....
The Only One...
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
breathe again
Have you wondered how it feels when it's all over, wonder how it feels when you just have to start a new,
never knowing where you're going, when you face a brand new day,
it used to be that way,
now I just close my eyes and say
I just want to breathe again,
learn to face the joy and pain,
discover how to laugh a little,
cry a little,
live a little more,
I just wanna face today,
forget about the wars of yesterday,
maybe if I hope a little,
try a little more,
I'll breathe again
starting out again is never easy,
disappointments come and go but life still moves on,
with a bit of luck.
It's a brand new start,
that might just work my way,
no need to walk away,
don't want to live on life replay,
*things will work out fine,
if you can find the courage to look past the night,
to see the break of dawn.
+++ i'm hurt once again +++
The Only One...
Sunday, November 05, 2006
my new wallet
tis few weeks haf been slacking at dear's home whenever he's not on duty or sailing.watchin vcd/tv, playin com, doin work, playing games,eating and sleeping...sometimes only goin out 4 dinner or nearby 2 haf a walk. we both r trying 2 save money..... haf been spending alot in oct on the chalet and his bd. yeah... hope we cld save lots n lots so we can go on a shopping spree b4 new yr... sounds funny but i kind of miss the chalet. its feels so our home...chevrons chalet is big n nice and it is fully furnish. it practically looks like a home. well i miss the 3 days i spend in the chalet wif dearie n frenz. hmmm....hope i cld organise another 1 soon.
my renoma wallet tore since duno when. realise it only yesterday..only been using it 4 a yr. 1 of the card compartment tear.told dearie tis noon and in the evening, after our nap, he brought me 2 buy a new wallet.went 2 wallet shop 1st but nothing really caught my attention. browse thru pierre cardin section 1st, they haf new designs but....not really 2 my liking. only abt 2 which i KIV(keep in view) it. browse the renoma section next. mostly old designs, variety not much. therefore none capture my eye. was quite disappointed cos i like renoma brand for wallets. went walkin ard for wallets. suddenly sth caught my attention. the GUESS bag on display was so damn nice. went 2 haf a look. but wow...the price is so damn ex... den saw the wallet...hmmm not bad!!! saw a few nice designs. sth unique. these design of wallets i've not use b4. worth tryin. but its not cheap either. haiz... walk out of the store but my "xin yang yang" la.. dearie ask me 2 buy but i'm not sure whether 2 go back wallet shop buy the pierre carin wallet or buy tis GUESS wallet. in the end after some comparison, dearie ask me 2 buy the GUESS wallet. there's abt 3 designs tat i set my eyes on. eventually i choose a black 1, ask 4 a new 1 but sad 2 say tats the last piece. haiz...but luckily i still haf 2 more designs i can choose fr. haha cos at 1st i set my eyes on 3 ma...thanx god the 2nd 1 i choose, they haf a new piece, therefore bought tat. hehehe and dearie paid for it. thanx dearie....despite he has headache, but he still brought me out 2 buy a wallet for me. Arigato!!! but me feel a lil heart pain la...cos last week he bought me a shirt le, tis week buy such n ex wallet den still say wanna bring me buy more clothes... both dearie n me set our eyes on a few clothes from fox...some of their clothes n jackets r nice...esp the jackets looks real nice. ARGH!!!!! me wanna buy betula, birkenstock n papillio sandals. if possible, me wana buy abt 5 pairs fr the 3 brands..haha think i'm mad le. 5 pairs cost me abt $300... haf been viewing their catalogue 4 the past 3 days. juz simply luv those sandals so much la. dearie say he wana gif me money 2 buy. but he "pan tang" la. so he ask me use my money buy 1st den he gif me the money as 2 spend on other things. dun think i'll want him 2 gif me money. i'll save up n buy. oh ya... who wants 2 buy these sandals tell me k...cos buy online in bulk will b cheaper la. so we can buy 2gather in bulk
my new GUESS wallet from dearie:
Dearie wif my bd present 4 him (his fav liverpool jersey):
The Only One...