blind
y is fate so cruel n unfair??? did i do anything wrong in my past life 2 haf 2 go thru all these in my present life? my gastric is getting worser n worser. few yrs ago i was admitted in hospital for gastric pain/stomach ulcer. it got better after tat. and over these few yrs thou i still haf gastric but not tat often and bad. but recently, for the past few weeks, it got bad. almost everyday, at different times of the day,i'll get gastric pain. sometimes even if i got eat, i'll oso haf gastric pain. at times, will pain till i cant stand or sit, worst still, i cant even lie down. i dun dare go c doc again. i'm afraid of bein warded again. the process of treatment is very painful. i'm scared tat i'll b diagnose wif some illness or wat.
my eyes is giving me prob again. my eye vein burst once last yr after k broke off. cos i cried 2 much le. went c doc tat time n he said tat both my eye the eye vein v near my eye pupil.and he say tat if i cry 2 much, it will get closer n closer and if it reach the pupil, i'll go blind. cos blood will clot at the pupil n damage it.last week, i cried till very jialat again cos of him(dear). n my head fr tat day onwords, every nite pain.my eyes started 2 pain 2 and at times, i juz cant simply open my eyes cos my eye muscle juz dun haf the strength 2 do so. sometimes my image will become blur. i'm afraid 2 become blind but i juz duno how 2 b strong n stop cryin. i wonder wat wld life b if i'm blind. mayb it'll b better cos if i m blind, i wun c things tat i dun wana c, i'll juz stay at hm n lost contact wif outside world, like tat i wun cry anymore le.
despite me bein in pain, he still doesn't know abt it. alot of ppl ask me, haf i told him abt it, i told them no. simply because i dun haf the courage 2 tell him. i duno how 2 tell him. he wun believe me de. he will juz say aiya dun bluff la....i'm afraid i'll get tis response fr him n i'll b more sad den, so i did not tell him. but each time, he will make me cry. he will say hurtful things 2 me or abt me. like juz now, he say tat B***K U* word again. tis is duno the how many times he say it le.told him b4 tat if he wan a B***K U* den he muz confirm n mean it. if he dun wan den he shd not even mention it. not everytime B***K and P***H like a small kid game. i'm slowly losin confidence in us. every now n then he will say it. i nd motivation. i nd him givin me confidence. but whenever he say tat, i lose hope in us. sooner or later i'll b blind i guess. cos if tis goes on, i'll continue cryin. wen will my tears ever stop? i'm goin blind soon le, juz hope he'll b there for me, encourage me, stand by me, support me, motivate me, gif me confidence and all the luv i nd. n if i'm blind 1 day, juz hope tat he can b my pair of eyes and guide me. but i know i can only hope. haiz... juz hope ba.b4 i really go blind, can any1 tell me r my eyes pretty?
The Only One...