exhuastion
juz got back hm fr outing wif dear. went shoppin. bought my makeup and a bag fr little match girl...wanted 2 buy another bag fr mphosis de..but haiz they dun haf new 1. so nvr buy. ate pizza hut for dinner. after shoppin went 2 a pub at boat quay wif dear 2 meet his frenz. after tat went geylang 4 supper.
sch has reopen for abt 1 week le..very tight and busy schedule..plus haf 2 do project...so stressed and tired... alomost everyday, i only haf 4 hrs of slp... its sch n dear for me nowadays...gonna die of exhuastion soon le...argh...
haiz..me n dear 2 weeks le...and i cried 2 times le..not really cried but juz "liu yen lei"... i duno y but dear sometimes dun haf trust n faith in me. n tat makes me sad. dear is afraid tat i will leave him 1 day...i duno wat 2 do 2 make him haf faith in me...i dun wish 2 c him sad or angry... haiz.... juz hope dear n i will haf better days ahead ba
The Only One...
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
written when i'm sleepy
these few days me very lazy 2 blog..haha...mayb cos these few days very busy and oso cos of the weather.rainin so heavy everyday. so cool n shiok 2 slp...well..met him on fri at 1130. went watch "hostel" at cineleisure...well on average the show not bad..but better dun watch it after ur meal..so gross....yucks!!! haha meet him on sat 2.at 1st he promise 2 go bugis wif me de. but b4 i woke up, he is already out wif his frenz...argh...haha but in the end he say go mos tat nite n he will pick me up...luckily mabel called 2 ask me out cos her bf make her angry. ask me acc her..jio her 2 mos 2 and she agreed. walked n slcked at orchard till abt 11. he came fetch me n mabel 2 mos.his fren car behind and inside got his fren gf n gf fren...but watever it is i dun care...well did not really enjoyed in mos tat day cos he piss me off.. n i oso saw sth i should not c...idiot..but in the end after his fren left with the gals he came explain...my mood was better after tat thou still abit pissed off. i told him i'm goin hm myself n pass him his parkin ticket. anyway he drank alot 2 n he might b stayin wif the rest till 7. well went hm ard 4. reach hm msg him n told him how i felt. his hp low batt. i oso told him i dun care i want him make up n bring me out on sun.haha on sun he woke up msg me n call me..after tat we went out 2 bugis and then marina 2 eat n watch movie. ate swenson..hehe thanx ah...bleh....watch the show black night..well tat show juz sux 2 the core...so damn fuckin boring...after the show he send me home..hehe was happy...we chated in msn...n told each other wat we wan, wat we dun wan and make a agreement n promise..hehe..duno wat 2 say le..actually i'm tired now but i cant slp cos gotta wait till 12.30am call him up..he got duty(night watch)....endure!!! counting down..left few mins more only haha
The Only One...
Friday, April 14, 2006
mos wif him
yesterday was the 1st outing wif him after we both confess 2 each other. went out wif mabel and her fren 2 far east at 1st. when we were up at 1 of the eating pl on the top floor of far east, saw him and his frenz eatin there 2. same place where me n mabel and her fren wana eat. luckily there was no pl 4 us. so we decided 2 go down eat kfc. cos i wouldn't want 2 eat there after seein him n his frenz. when we were at kfc, he msg me ask me wat was i doin at fareast, msg 2 tease him back. later when i was abt 2 go momo, i msg him ask him wana go momo not. he say the rest dun wan go momo, they want go mos and he ask me along 2. but i promise my frenz tat i'll go momo le..haiz....in the end i ask him go momo find me 1st then together we go mos. haha and guess wat,when i reach momo not long, abt half hr, he really came momo 2 find me. i acc him in momo at the table beside the pool table.. juz the both of us. we stayed at momo for abt an hr..and at 12plus we went mos 2 find the rest.. haha sit his car again. hmmm no queue outside mos..tis was the 1st time out of 3 times tat i went tat there is no queue. but once inside mos, it was fuckin packed...even the trance area was damn fuckin packed. we nvr went 2 the rnb section at all cos 2 crowded 2 go in. ppl were refrain fr entering the rnb section. we stayed at the main arena for awhile b4 goin up 2 explore..my 1st time goin up. the retro area was damn cool...they haf those swinging seats there. well we went down 2 the main arena again. they dance n i stood at the side 2 wait 4 them. got a guy came 2 invite me 2 dance wif him..haha he saw it, and came over 2 ask me 2 stand near them. not long after, we went up again. zh found a seat and they ordered a bottle of martell. at 1st i was sittin at another seat outside the table, he was sittin inside the table lookin over the ledge. but i wana sit inside n look down so i change pl wif jx n was sitting beside him. both of us were quite close..haha...we stayed on top for abt an hr plus..playin five ten...drank till abt a third of martell left. they decided 2 keep the rest cos most of them zh and him drivin. after tat we went down again. n they dance at the main arena again. i stood at a pl and another guy came 2 know me, he ask me where i was fr n offered me his drink. thanx lor..tat guy is a jerk. i saw him pourin the martell. it was half cup nid. i keep rejectin him. but he keep on askin me 2 drink. later i turn over cos i dun wana face tat guy..they saw the incident and he came over again. tis time standin beside me. haha tat guy wana come beside me n talk 2 me de. but the rest came back n was surroundin me. later when jx was accompnyin me smoke, he went back dance. after awhile, we went off. they wanted 2 go newton eat but i dun wan. so i told him 2 head st 2 newton then fr there i take cab home... well on the way 2 newton there was road block but luckily his car nvr kana stop. when we reach newton, he ask me 2 stay again 2 acc him eat. but i dun wan..haha he then ask me if i had money take cab home. he wanted 2 gif me money. but i decline. overall i was very happy. thou only 5 of us went mos. the rest havin ship duty. on the way hm, i msg him ask him dun let them c the msg 1st. he ask me y. i told him the reason. tis is wat he reply:
him: i noe la. juz teasin u. i duno bout u. but i startin 2 feel we can b a happy couple. unless u r juz playin den i got nth 2 say le.
him: i tell u wat i say is the truth. u dun believe up 2 u. hope it turns out fine
him: i believe u, ar bo wun hang out le. idiot. juz wan u 2 noe how i feel
The Only One...
Thursday, April 13, 2006
right decision???
i guess i did the right thing...i confess 2 him on tues nite..saw him online ard 1am..he juz got back home fr EC wif them. we chated awhile online juz like normal. he suan me, i suan him. and he even say tat sometimes he thinks i m bad and out 2 toy feelings and yet sometimes i m a gd gal..haha finally i cant endure le..cos at tat time my mood was very low 2. told zh tat i wana back off le..and haf also made up my mind not 2 hang ard wif them le...so eventually i told "pig"(tis is wat i normally call him at the beginning) tat i like him etc...and immediately after tat i log off fr com. he msg me abt 2min later...and 2 my suprised, he likes me 2..but he cant do anythin abt it cos 2 of his frenz, zh and X oso like me and is goin after me. i was shocked when he mention abt tat 1 week. he still remembered clearly! those meet ups, those phone chat...and he told me tat actually tat sat, when he went zouk fetch me 2 newton 2 eat, he actually wanted 2 confess 2 me tat he like me de. but he was afraid i dun like him n turn him down then avoid him and also at the same time he thought abt zh and X...tats y he chicken out. we smsed each other sayin abt our feelings, confessing 2 each other till abt 5am b4 he finally doze off. he asked me 2 think carefully abt tat 1 week and i'll realised tat actually he oso like me. yesterday morning ard 11plus am he woke up and msg me. we chatted online till 3plus noon. then i went 2 haf a nap. and he went 2 wash his car. me took a nap till 6plus. woke up and msg him b4 goin out 4 my dinner. he was on his way 2 pass his colleague the project. went online 2 wait 4 him at nite ard 10plus..finally he sms me ard 12plus askin me wat m i doin..i told him i was at hm. he ask me 2 call him but i was afraid.. cld say i was paiseh.. so i asked him come online..he came online after his bath. we chated till abt 2am then he say he is goin 2 slp...finally i got 2 hear wat i wana hear for the past 3 mths...he told me last nite tat he MISS me!!! hahaha..i feel like flyin le...we oso made an agreement not 2 suan each other le.... i hope tis is the correct decision i made...i hope i will b rite in tellin him
The Only One...
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
happy day
went shoppin wif mabel today..we went orchard..bought a le coq sportif bag..haiz...another bag i wana buy no more le...shd haf bought 1 week ago...tat bag was quite nice n cheap but 2 bad no more...went orchard cineleisure k box after tat...sang from 8plus to 11plus..msg him at 1115 like tat ask him where is he n wat he doin..did not expect much cos he few weeks nvr contact me le thou we got c each other. dun even dare hope he will reply..but 5min later he replied n say he is at hm doin nth and ask me y.. i say nth la..then ask him is he sleepin early..he say no...so i told him tat later i will call him..he say ok...i was still in the middle of the singing session...but i'm juz so happy n excited... tat i juz rush n end everythin..n rush home 2 bathe n juz 2 call him. even skip my dinner. tot of eatin some bread when i reach hm. but was afraid he will slp so i skip n call him after my bath instead. we chated from 1240am(imagine i was still at orchard at 12...real rush) to 2am.. we talk abt his story abt him n his ex and me and my ex blah blah blah etc... then i found out he on mc these few days cos he injured his back while playin soccer...hehe me heartbroken..well ard 2am, me ask him go slp cos he sounds tired le..thou he nvr say he wan hang up la..but me still ask him slp so he say ok..hehe..quite happy today..after so many weeks he nvr contact me..finally gotta chat wif him awhile today...yes i m happy today
The Only One...
Sunday, April 09, 2006
cos of u...
as expected, i saw u online in msn yesterday evenin but u nvr talk 2 me... n i didn't dare talk 2 u 2 cos i'm afraid there r others wif u. u were online 4 abt 15min then u left...i saw u came in n saw u left 2. and as promised, i got drunk last nite at momo COS OF U...i cld haf gone wif u all 2 the liveband at one fullerton but i nvr... i dun wana c u wif another. thou u both may purely b frenz but...it hurts... know if i go we'll b paired up n i know i'll not b paired wif u cos u'll b paired wif another.so i rather not c n get hurt..i rather miss u silently...tis is the 1st time tat i know u go and i did not go.sometimes i think...shd i gif u up??? shd i??? tell me...i wana hear fr u...n i hope u'll tell me not 2 gif up cos u haf a lil feelings 4 me 2....haha....i'm fuckin daydreamin here..mayb i shd ba...haiz!!!
The Only One...
Saturday, April 08, 2006
ktv & movie
well gotta chat wif u on msn last nite b4 goin ktv... guess mayb u did not block me. but did u delete me off? was happy tat i chatted wif u for abt 15mins b4 u go prepare...but some how rather, i haf tis feelin tat its not u who is chattin wif me...i hope i m wrong. tell me tat tis is all wrong..tell me tat its u who is talkin 2 me. but i duno..i really duno...my tis feelin tell me its not u. its so fuckin borin and cold in ktv...but i still went cos i know u r there...when i reach not long n played wif my sms, u suddenly asked me how much is my hp bill..as usual i wld ask u is it u wan pay 4 me n u wld say ya..n i wld say take 100 bucks gif me. n u continued sayin 100 only meh..so little ah. haha ok tis makes me feel like we r back 2 tat 1 week. me "suaning" u and u "suaning" me. ppl may think its stupid..but 2 me its sweet..tat 1 week was really sweet.after ktv when we cross the road 2 cineleisure 2 watch movie, u were walkin alone..very much wanted 2 go walk beside u..but i cant...haiz..i know if i did the talkings will start again. i dun wan u 2 b their new topic..anyway went watch inside man..its a nice "police and thieves show"... its funny 2 if u pay attention 2 wat they say.. ok u sat beside ur fren gf fren in cinema..a gal...i duno wat 2 say..i wish i cld juz stop thinkin.. fuck i juz dun wana think abt yesterday any more..n guess wat i m seein u online in msn now..but for sure u wont approach 2 talk 2 me 1st de..if i'm goin clubbin tonite,i promise i'm gonna get drunk 2 forget abt u 4 the moment...
The Only One...
Friday, April 07, 2006
entry of fuck
rid all fuckers in life! fuck off!!! the attempt of makin myself happier is always obstructed...by silly actions, silly doings, silly fucked up shits...like watever...WHATEVER LA FUCK IT..not 1 day is a happy day. fuck every fucking day of my life..cos u c fucks, hear fucks, think fucks, n get so fucked up. so fuck this world and fuck this fucked up shit hole life..fucker..damn the fuckin day n tmr will b a brand new fucked up shit ass day. it goes the same so yes god damn it FUCK SHIT....hipocrites!!!
The Only One...
a she living in u
went fisherman village juz now.i'm so happy tat i cld c u juz now thou its only 1hr plus..more happy tat u did talk 2 me juz now..thou is only a short while, thou its u di siao me..but i'm happy tat i cld at least c u n hear ur voice..nvm if its wif them around...but i'm still so sad...cos u haf some1 else in ur heart..i heard u tellin them tat mayb u meet her tmr or sth like tat.. n u r happy 2 meet her.. n juz now all along ur sms ring. guess its her ba.. i may not know who is she but i guess she hold a special pl in ur heart.. i wish tat tis is all wrong. i wish tat there is no other her in ur heart. tell me tat wat i suspect is all wrong... pls tell me...pls i beg u...i'm so sad now..i feel like cryin..only u can stop me cryin now... when we were abt 2 go, i heard u tellin them tat u need 2 go online 2 do some ship's stuff... n i pray hard tat u will come msn... but u did not..i waited till now but i nvr saw u online..is it u block me? tats y i cant c u online?i didn't want go hm so early..i cld haf went 2 other pl wif zh..but the thought of chances seein u online make me went straight hm..but i waited in vain..my hopes r dashed...these few days r u busy chattin wif her on the fone? busy smsing her? busy meetin her? is it cos of her apperance tats y u dun even contact me when sometimes i msg u? who is she??? guess muz b some1 very pretty ba.. tats y she cld melt ur heart..plssssssssssssss............tell me all these is not real...pls dun do tis 2 me....sobzzzzzzzzzzz......muz i really gif up on u??i'm tired...............
The Only One...
Thursday, April 06, 2006
esp 2 KEL
pls kel... grow up... if u dare do sth juz admit it... i'm 22 le not juz a 3 yr old kid...mayb if u tell ur lil sis, she'll believe it... i cant always act blur...and i dun wan always act blur. its like whenever u lie n i haf 2 believe it..n do u know y whenever i ask u admit, u'll show ur temper to me? cos i found out the truth n u r afraid 2 admit the truth.u show temper cos u think i'll b afraid so i'll stop askin n therefore i wont put u in a dilema.. imagine u send me a sms juz now sayin "after all aiai know me the best"... in wat way does it look like ur sendin 2 ronglie? n when i told u, u send the wrong person, u still can reply me "oops u mean i send the wrong person and not ronglie?" stop usin ronglie as an excuse... i'm tired..each time when u do sth, u wont admit. n i juz dun understand y.even if u like some1 else or haf a gf, juz admit... u r not a gay so stop actin like u r a gay n ronglie is ur gay partner callin him aiai all tat...tis is not ur 1st time like tis le....b a man and admit..will u?juz 2 tell u the last time, i m not the audrey tat i use 2 b le...i'm not the audrey tat get jealous over other gals cos of u...
The Only One...
tortured by ur absence
chatted abt u again wif my fren on the fone juz now... he ask how r u and i goin on? he asked how r we progressing...told him tat i guess ur juz makin use of me in the 1st pl. suddenly i realised tat i miss u alot... i miss the 1 week tat we chatted on fone, chated usin sms, and u comin over 2 meet me and fetch me. i miss the 2 days when we met up alone...i miss the way u look at me, how u stare deep into my eyes...i miss how ur eyes melt my heart. u ask me out 2 watch movie tat time, i couldn't make it earlier n now i regretted i couldn't make it earlier. how i wish i could make it earlier tat day so tat i could wear ur jacket when i'm cold inside the cinema. remember u told me tat day tat if i'm cold inside i cld wear ur jacket so i no need mafan go hm take cos u haf 1 wif u already. thou i met up wif u at a later time tat day, i regretted n hate myself tat i cant make it earlier.but i'm happy tat i cld meet u alone tat day.how i wish tat 1 week will last...how i wish tat 1 week will turn 2 mths then yrs... sometimes i'm thinkin... if me and X nvr started and if they nvr did cause so much trouble n misunderstandin and if there aren't so much rumours n talkin abt me...will we ever haf a chance 2 b together? sometimes i juz wish 2 ask u.. r u makin use of me in the 1st pl or did u haf a lil feelin 4 me durin tat 1 week? i dun wana go thru tis...its so torturin...everyday i wld wait 4 u 2 call or sms me...each time my fone ring or sms come, i wld wish it was u..but each time its not. each nite i waited for u 2 come online...but each time we r not fated 2 meet online..when i'm online u r not.. when u r online i m not.. juz like juz now,i noe u r online but i was out... everyday i'll think of u..n whenever i think of u till i wana cry i'll listen 2 the song "xiang ni xiang de hao gu ji"... i remember when we chatted on the fone durin tat 1 week, u told me 2 gif up n forget abt my ex of 3 yrs... but u cant seem 2 gif up n forget ur ex..i know i m nth compared 2 her...i duno wat happen.. y suddenly u will stop contactin me. i dun understand y tat nite when u came fetch me hm, inside the car u suddenly ask me 2 b guai n dun b so naughty. u kept repeatin tat. and after tat day, u stop contactin me le... will we ever haf a chance 2 b together? r u really makin use of me? i told myself 2 forget abt u..but... i juz duno how 2 do it...tis thing is killin me...
The Only One...
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
stupid n silly
haiz...did sth stupid n silly again...i know i shd not haf done it..but i juz duno y i cant seem 2 control my fingers... i tot i've improved cos for the past 1 week i nvr do anythin abt it... but...arghhhh the fuckin damn me did it today...tis noon...i know i'll get ignored n yet i do it... haaa i'm so damn silly n stupid.....arghhhh wtf man.... pls...some1...make me lost fr tis world....
The Only One...
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
what is love???
Love is when you wake up, he is already on your mind...Love is when you lost your heart, he is all that you can find.
Love is when you want to be the one to dry his eyes
Love is when you see the truth in every one of his lies...
Love is when you want to listen to all his whims and woes.
Love is when you want him to take care everywhere he goes.
Love is when he calls you, your heart goes a flutter...
Love is when you see him "I love him.." you silently stutter.
Love is when you tell the world that you love him so.
Love is when you've told the world... but he doesn't know
Love is when you know you'll still love him when he's lost his hair...
Love is when your eyes light up when you see him there...
Love is also when you hear your heart breaks when he held hands with her.
Love is also when you crumbled as you hear them say that it will last forever
Love is also when you cry inside yet smile outside when they say hi to you.
Love is also when you held your breath and said "How do you do?"
Love is also when you let him go... you know he is happy now.
Love is also when you know you'll get over him somehow.
Love is also when his happiness is what matters to you.
Love is also when you let him love her... and not love you true.
Love is when you'll still love him... and still.. he'll never know..
Love is when you'll swallow the pain and slowly let go...
Yet... love is a funny thing....
Love is when you smile when you hear that it's him and her no more
Love is when you hear he sent her through the door...
Love is when you try to "bump" in to him again...
Love is when he'll say hi to you and there is no more pain.
Love is suddenly real love when he says he loves you too...
Love is suddenly real love when his life revolves around you.
Love is suddenly real love when he's always loved you but he didn't dare.
Love is suddenly real love when he's always loved you but thought you didn't care...
Love is suddenly real love when now it's all coming true
Love is suddenly real love when you love him and he loves you...
Love is suddenly real love when now your life is nearly complete.
Love is suddenly real love when everyday... it's him you meet.
Love is suddenly real love when your friends accept him too.
Love is suddenly real love when you can have time for them and him and you.
Love is a really complex feeling.
So when you love someone... just tell him... or her...
You'll never know how it'll turn out... one way or the other.
Tell him before he's gone...
tell her before she's taken...
Confess... confess...
what's there to lose... When pride and ego's forsaken.
You might never know...
he might love you too She or He, might feel the same way for you...
haizzz...i wish i cld tell him i love him and hope tat he cld say he loves me 2....n how i wish we cld b together...fuck!!! but i juz dun haf the guts 2 do it...forget it ba...its impossible anyway... 2 those who haf guts 2 tell the person u love, juz do it!
The Only One...
Monday, April 03, 2006
pimples outbreak
wat happen 2 my face??? argh.... i m havin pimples outbreak... 2 on my forehead, 1 on my nose and 1 more on my chin...wtf.. its so red n pain... i'm so ugly ready n these pimples r makin me more ugly...haha!!! go away stupid pimples....bleh :p i hate pimples...haha...madness me
The Only One...
Sunday, April 02, 2006
upside down life
juz got back home... went orchard in the evening. wanted 2 buy a new bag 4 sch. was lookin ard. set my eyes on 5 bags. le coq sac, adidas, nike, new urban male and another without a brand. yupz... and the fuckin me cant make up my mind on which 2 buy. went momo at 11... not much crowd yet. left at 1am...went watch a movie called "fragile" at PS. well its a horror movie. and its also a sickening 1. haha..the ghost is damn fuckin ugly. overall shd say its quite worth watching. but...argh!!! guess i shd not haf gone 2 watch movie... shd haf stayed at momo. it'll b more fun. at least i wont think of it and feel like cryin now. lucky thing is i've not yet cried. 2 tired 2 cry. i duno.. but the feelin is juz so cold... thinkin back, i m juz so stupid. so stupid 4 bein make used of. really shd haf stayed in momo. juz duno y part of me wan go 4 the movie. n i know its cos of tat fuckin reason tat i went 2 the movie. shit...wat the fuck m i doin??? arghhhhhhh...y m i still findin trouble 4 myself? WAKE UP audrey... can some1 juz knock some sense into me? i'm juz so tired... is there a potion 2 drink 2 make me forget everything, every1?cos i'm havin this fuckin upside down life... TIRED TIRED TIRED!!! argh.... how i wish i had a shoulder 2 lean on n 2 cry on....how i wish u were here...yeah juz wish on only...
p/s: sorry i'm feelin so down tats y use so many f*** words...haha
The Only One...