PSP or PS2???
tis 2 days i've been aching all over my body. think i've slept in e wrong position. n oso "tat feelin" is slowly comin back...the feelin i've felt durin june n july is back... i duno how 2 describe it... its a mixture of lost, scared, helpless, sad, unwanted etc....haiz... y m i so useless??? really hate myself. misssssssssssin him(kelvin) so much! wished i cld tell him tat i miss him.wished i cld hear him say he miss me 2..but i cant haiz....i know he'll ignore me =(
his bd is comin..on the 11 of nov... n its either i'll buy a PSP or a PS2 for him...lotsa of ppl r sayin tat i'm stupid...he has broken off wif me n yet i still buy him such an expensive present. guys, its ok....u can call me stupid, say me silly but 4 some1 whom u luv so much, its all worth while. he is the 1 i luv so no matter how much i'll still sacrifice...i know he wants 2 buy a playstation...abt 1 or 2 yrs ago he had mentioned...n i've oso accompanied him 2 lotsa of places 2 find out the price..n each time he heard them sayin its a few hundred, he'll drop the idea. each time when i c him so dishearted i'll feel so sad...he doesn't spend on himself. he wld rather save e money n spend it on me juz 2 buy things 4 me, bring me out 2 eat, bring me out etc. when it comes 2 me, he wont save a single cent. when we were togather, every mth when he get his ns pay, he will bring me out.i noe he wld like 2 owned 1.other then either a PSP or a PS2, i cant think of any other things 2 get 4 him.
but the prob is i m an idiot when it comes 2 games...haiz.... n oso PSP n PS2 has lotsa version...i'm afraid i'll get cheated by the vendor. my 1st piority is PSP...cos its newer, portable n more functions....he can bring in 2 camp instead of his old gameboy.. but PSP is more expensive not only the set but oso the game. 2 buy a game is $70plus. n u oso need 2 buy a memory card or sth like tat.it has alot of version.some cheaper some expensive...the cheapest i saw was $380 n the most expensive was $500plus i think...the cheaper 1 is still within my limit. but for the 500 one, i think i cant afford. 4 PS2, it will b cheaper, even the set n the game it will b much cheaper. it can also act as a DVD player. but his room already has a DVD player. n oso PS2 cant b carried ard...u need 2 haf a tv connected 2 it 2... the cheapest i saw was $238 n the most expensive i saw was $385...PS2 is older than PSP n oso PS3 is comin out soon. both prices r still within my limit. like PSP, PS2 oso has a lot of version... which i dun understand.haiz...really duno wat 2 do. if i spend less than 300, i still haf alittle savin 4 myself...if i spend above 300, means i haf no savings left. but i cant juz anyhow buy rite?i'm so confused,so lost.....wat shd i do?
The Only One...
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
a nite out 2 club momo
last sat oct 22 i went club momo....i reached there ard 11.40pm as it was free b4 12.... managed 2 get there in time... i haf thought of changin my clubbin pl fr dbl o to club momo...cos of juz 1 simple reason...i m afraid of bumpin into "him"...yep tats rite. the "him" is kelvin. the only guy i love so much till now i'm still waitin 4 him. i shd b happy if i cld c him. i shd feel like seein..but y m i still so afraid? cos i dun wana c him wif his gal...i can imagine e feelin if i see him wif his gal..i wouldn't want 2 haf tat feelin...so i'm tryin my best 2 hide.....
momo was fun last sat thou it rain heavily...drank quite alot ( 1 jug of vodka ribena, 3 glasses of red wine, 3 glasses of burbon)....saw alot of my sec sch frenz...even my sec sch classmate...the feelin was so wonderful...it brings back my sec sch memories....at tat pt of time i forgot all abt "him"...i dance n enjoyed thru the nite...leavin only at 5am.... once i step out of momo n into the cab, "he" came into my mind again. i was thinkin where he is now n wat he is doin? the sad n moody me came back...fighting back tears i look out of the window n see e road we used 2 travel on his bike when we r out together. memories of us started 2 flow back. i miss him! i miss us! i miss our past! traffic was very smooth...no road blocks or anythin. reached home in less than 20mins...but slept only at 7am...
The Only One...
Thursday, October 20, 2005
missin u on our 3yr 2 mth anni
to my ever dearest kelvin...do u noe i'm missin u v badly on tis day.......where r u?
Baby baby I miss you
Longing for you everyday
And I reach for you everynight
Baby nothing's been the same
Since the day we said goodbye
And I can't go onLike this for too long
Boy I need you next to me
And I'm hungering for your touch
Caught up in the memories
And you're all I'm thinking of
Cause I can't get past
What we used to have
I'm talkin bout how I used to like it
When you whispered to me
Tell me that you love me
And those beautiful things
Baby won't you come back
Cause I'm really in need
I'm lost in your love
And I don't know what to do with myself
And I don't wanna be with nobody else
I just think about you
Think about us
Think about how much I miss you
All I do is reminisce
Of the love that we used to share
Can't recover from your kiss
Because nothing else compares
Ain't no substitute
When it comes to you
Vision of us hand in hand
Come to me when I close my eyes
Baby I don't understand
How we let it all slip by
Tell me, can't we try
Maybe one more time
I'm talkin bout how I used to like it
When you whispered to me
Tell me that you love me
And those beautiful things
Baby won't you come back
Cause I'm really in need
I'm lost in your love
And I don't know what to do with myself
I don't wanna be with nobody else
I just think about you
Think about us
Think about how muchI miss you
(Remember when)
Our eyes first met
I knew I'd never be the same again
(Why can't it just)Be like it was
Enough is enough
Baby I miss your love
I'm talkin bout how I used to like it
When you whispered to me
Tell me that you love me
And those beautiful things
Baby won't you come back
Cause I'm really in need
I'm lost in your love
And I don't know what to do with myself
I don't wanna be with nobody else
I just think about you
Think about us
Think about how much
I miss you
The Only One...
happy 3yr 2mths anni
to my 1 & only dear....kelvin oh....thou u dun wan me anymore, but 2 me u r still e 1 i luv most...juz wanna wish u a happy 3yr 2 mth anni....
Do you know
How it feels
Lying here without you baby
You could never understand,
what's happening to me
So alone
Nothing's real
I just dream about you baby
And forever wonder why you had To break free
Even though you're not my lover
Even though you're not my friend
I would give my all To have you here
Just to hold you once again
It's so hard To believe
I don't have you right beside me
As I long to touch you
But you're out of my reach
And my heart doesn't feel
It's so very cold inside me
Just a shadow of someone that I used to be
Even though you're not my lover
Even though you're not my friend
I would give my all
To have you here
Just to hold you once again
You were the only one (only one)
That I allowed inside my heart
Now I'm just holding on
To something so far gone
Where did I go wrong
Even though you're not my lover
And even though you're not my friend
I would give my all
To have you here
Just to hold you once again
Just to hold you once again
The Only One...
lonely heart
today is 20th oct 2005... it shd b our 3yr 2mth anniversary...but where is he? where is my dear? where is my kelvin oh? since 12am till now, i've been waiting...waiting 4 his call... we haf broken up since june..but i still cant let it go. 20th is gonna end soon. i'm wondering where is he now?wat is he doin?is he in some1 else's arm? is everythin goin smoothly 4 him? is he happy? most importantly do he miss me?
still rem 20th aug...our 3 yr anni...he came lookin 4 me in dbl o...was so touched...he even msg sayin he missed me...my tears dropped.. my heart was touched.. had a short chat wif him below... both of us broke down...after tat day we did met a few times, havin lunch n goin out together..occasionally he wld call or sms me..but now everythin stopped..it lasted for only abt 1mth...i'm so stupid 2 believe in tis fantasy... he does not belong 2 me anymore. he belongs 2 another gal.y do i still miss him? y do i still cry over him? y do i still wait 4 him? i tried very hard 2 forget abt him. thinkin he belongs 2 others..but no matter how hard i try after 4 mths my feelin is still there...
i took my result 2 weeks ago..i did very badly...my results dropped dramastically...compared 2 the 2 previous result, tis was way way way worst then the previous. everything i did seems 2 go wrong 4 me. he's not ard 2 gif me the strength i needed. he's not ard 2 encourage me n 2 push me. tat is y...n my result shows. how i wish he is here 2 go thru all tis wif me. 2 gif me e support n 2 console me. how i wish he wld tell me once again tat no matter wat i did or wat went wrong he is always here beside me. i longed 2 hear all tis words again. fr his mouth, fr his heart... i'm waitin..........waitin 4 him...waitin 4 my dearest kelvin oh...waitin 4 miracles 2 happen. waitin 2 feel his warmth once again....no matter how long e wait is....i'll b waitin
The Only One...
Saturday, October 01, 2005
waiting.....
dear, its been 4 mths since we r apart....but u r still e 1 i luv...still e 1 i'm thinkin of.... i know u wont b able 2 read tis n i oso know i wont haf e guts 2 tell u all tis....dun think i even stand a chance 2 tell u....
anyway tis song is esp 4 u....juz wana let u noe tat no matter wat happen there's a gal waitin 4 u at e corner...u r not alone...juz hopin tat 1 day it will b worth waitin 4...
Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted,all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter,I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh,can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can surviveThis romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh,can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you goWhatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
The Only One...